I'm probably not going to sound like I've got it all together in this post....because I don't! My emotions are all over the place. I am the kind of person that NEEDS to learn something from every situation. I have always said if you don't learn something or use your struggles to help someone else then they were all in vain.
Here is what God is showing me this morning. As I was having a conversation with my Mom about what the plans are for the next few weeks. When are we leaving? Where are you going to live if you don't get all your funding? What's going to happen if in 6 months you don't have your funding? My answer was, "I don't know." (I love you Mom and understand your worrying.) But this is a journey of FAITH which doesn't come easily or I wouldn't have to fall onto my knees daily and talk to God. Do you know how hard it is to be moving out of your house in 3 weeks and not knowing if you are leaving yet as planned or staying and waiting for God to move in people's hearts to partner with us? But as I am sitting here pleading with God this morning. "God....please send our sponsors NOW. Move in a mighty way to prove to me that this is your WILL. I can't sit back and not know when I should buy my plane tickets or will we have enough to live on while we serve." And do you want to know what "popped" into my head? Yes Jenny....now you understand what the families all around the world are saying while they watch their child die of starvation or disease. "How can I survive? Where will I get food or medicine? Why isn't anybody helping me? How many times did I sit back and say, "Somebody needs to help them!!! Then I went and made MY family a huge meal and threw away leftovers." I didn't think my little bit could help do anything....so I did NOTHING.
So all the nervousness I have been fighting, the doubts and fears I have pushed back and handle on most days...they are still there. But I am choosing to not dwell on them and focus only on God. I have to stay in the word and talk to Him. It's the only way I can keep my sanity through this journey and it's STRENGTHENING my faith like NEVER before. Do I wish it would come easier? Ah YES! Is it fun to suffer? NO! Is it easy to wait? Nope! Do people think I'm crazy? Yes! But I think if we always are in "control" of our resources, bank accounts, 401k's and have everything all tidy and "secure".....when do we ever have to rely on God? When do we have to put our TRUST fully .....I mean every single bit of it...... into the Maker of Heaven and Earth???
So what about those families that I was just mentioning before...the one's watching their children suffer and die before their eyes? What if they had never been introduced to God? What if they don't own a Bible? How do they handle their fears, their struggles, their desperation? Who do they turn to? Where do they find HOPE?
We need to all pray and listen and ACT! We need to give until we suffer. Because it's in that suffering that we grow closer to Jesus.
I'm probably not getting this whole story right but Brian was telling me about a man that Francis Chan had interviewed who was thrown in a prison because he lived in a country where you were persecuted for being a Christian. He had managed to keep a tiny piece of a Bible verse he had torn out and hidden. He was locked up for a long time with only the verse to read and give him hope. When he was finally released and had everything at his disposal again he BUT he wished he was back in the prison facing death daily. He explained that when all he had was those words from Jesus and no other distractions or resources or help....it was then that he felt the closest to God.
Don't let the distractions from this world get in the way of what God has called us all to do. That new outfit, cappuccino, another meal out or the latest electronic toys are all just immediate gratifications. They will fade.....trust me I know...but knowing you Made A Difference in someone's relationship with God will also strengthen yours.
What the world teaches us.
What the Bible teaches us.
Mark 8: 34-36
34 And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. 36 For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?
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