Feeling Hypocritical

The worse things about special occasion days are that sometimes we set our expectations so high that we set ourselves up for disappointment.  So knowing this I had no expectations today for Mother's Day except a little tidying up the house before Brian's Mom and Don were coming for a cookout.  At least I didn't think I had expectations.....but when my only son forgets its Happy Mother's Day...guess I still experienced that disppointment that I was trying so hard to avoid. 

You see it's not easy raising an adopted son that has not had the best image of a good mother his whole life.  Don't get me wrong....Mario is a great kid....but he has some resistance (that even he can't quite understand) to being told what to do.  Let me tell you....most days I am the best mom for the job....but some days I'm in tears, frustrated and praying for the magic words to help him understand what his part is in being in a family.  To you parents who have adopted you know there are no magic words and we never give up....we just keep doing our best. 

So I guess I got hurt when I just wanted so badly to hear, "Happy Mother's Day" from him just for that acknowledgement that he appreciates me!  Well that happened.... after his sister told him to say it and he said, "Oops I forgot."

Okay....so here's where I am feeling like a hypocrite today.  I teach my kids to always think of others.  I tell them you are only happy when you are thinking of others. I wear a shirt that says, "It's Not About Me!"  I talk the talk but I didn't walk the walk today.  I cried and felt sorry for myself.  Ya...it wasn't pretty. Why couldn't I have empathized with his life and reasons or just his forgetfulness....why did I have to have it all about me?????    But no I emptied the kitty litter box and the garbage, swept and mopped, 3 loads of laundry and mowed and raked.  I was determined to make it like any other day and not about celebrating me!  I chose this jouney when we adopted an older child....I shouldn't expect appreciation...I have no idea what he must feel like.  My job is to be loving and forgiving and caring and a good role model.

Why didn't I just show grace to my child?  Why did I have to make it about me?  I guess I'm still a work in progress.  I prayed a lot today for God to show me what I needed to learn from this....this song is what began playing when I hit shuffle on my ipod.

Heavenly Father...please help me see people's hearts and not just actions.  Help me forgive them and show grace like you show me.